McDonalds Poem

I broke up with McDonalds
On Valentine's day 
People said she was no good for me 
I had to get away 

So I told her, It's not you, 
It's just a phase I'm going through 
But as we all know -
Dumping fast food is not a pleasant thing to do. 

So I broke up with McDonalds, didn't see her for a while 
Was doing pretty well - there was the occasional drunk-dial 
When I walked up to the window 
And I slipped into the queue - 
But then I came back to my senses 
And realised the thing to do... 

Was to keep on walking 
Keep on walking 
Right past her 
Ignore the temptation 
To suckle 
On those golden arches 
Ignore those bed-like burgers 
And those oh-so-easy fries 
Divide our shared world up 
And sever all ties! 

Yes! I broke up with McDonalds and my life is better for it 
When my girlfriend serves up rabbit food I simply adore it 
I was scared of life alone with no kebab to walk me home 
But...
      What I once spent on burgers... 
                                                     I now spend on...
                                                             ­                    Haribo!

Oh Haribo! Haribo!  
You are a fruit tree in a sack 
And although it feels wrong to see you 
Behind my girlfriend's back 
She can not be hurt by wrongs she does not know! 
No - the new love of my life is Haribo, oh Haribo! 

But then one evening after work 
My girfriend came home early. 
Caught me curled up on the couch  
Soaking up her girly  
DVDs 
In front of me 
A bowl of 
Not nuts, nor seeds... 
But fizzy, yes fizzy, 
Cola bottles  
That were  
FIZZY! 

How could you do this? 
My girlfriend screamed at me. 
Cannot you see the damage that they do-eth to your teeth?
(She'd been reading Shakespeare) 
No, my eyes are on my face, I can't see in my mouth. 
Right, she said, If you think I'm joking then I'm going to kick you out. 

So she kicked me out the flat and that was that she said. 
Not quite... 
I grabbed my stash of Haribo from underneath the bed. 
I told her all the things about her that I really hated 

And the moral is: 

Relationships with things that you can't eat are over-rated.